Becoming

It is very true…the moment you begin to let go of things of this world, including the search for relationships for a short time, God will come in daily to fill you  more and more with His love and intent for you.

I was just recently introduced to Andy Stanley and his sermons on “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating.  (Just click on the title to take you to his message;)  What a profound gift from God to bring me such eye opening, duh-ah ha teachings on love, sex and dating.  The message I most want to pay attention to is the “Become the person who the person I am looking for is looking for”.  This is exactly what these 6 months of dating God and God alone are all about.  God is preparing for and helping me to become the person that the person I hope to find is looking for.  Because up until now….the person I want to marry would not be interested in me!  YIKES, but true.  Sometimes we have to swallow bitter pills and look at the mess in the mirror.  Its the only way to see what is happening, to really see who and what we really are.

So who am I looking for and therefore, who am I becoming?  I am looking for a man who is not ashamed to be associated with Jesus Christ, I am looking for a man who knows the beauty in sacrifice for others, a man who knows I am not a commodity but worthy of honor because he knows I am a daughter of God.  I am looking for a man who does not NEED me but who rejoices in the gift of me given to him.  And while this is all deep and great…I want a man who can’t wait to dedicate songs and music to me.  Seeing that is a great love of mine. (Hint Hint, Wink Wink;)

So while I’m waiting through these months to work through and become the ME God has created, I will continue to serve, sacrifice, worship Him who makes all things perfect.  I will also continue to accept all His dates with me.  Whether they be listening to sermons together on the couch, retreat get aways to the mountains, or ?????  The surprises!  I am waiting and I am hopeful in becoming!!

So who are you looking for?  And are you that person to?

While I’m Waiting – John Waller (Link to video)

I’m waiting, I’m waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I’m waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race even while I wait

I’m waiting, I’m waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I’m waiting on You Lord
Though it’s not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

Shh!

I am so profoundly exhausted in the most satisfying way.  So much emotion, so much healing, so much learning, growing and most importantly for me, the hard work of listening.

Do you find it hard to listen to the still small voice that speaks truth to you?  I most definitely do.  I hear the loud voices in my head and from my past and from the often cruel world around us so very clearly.  Those words seem very real to me.  Today, I was quiet, completely quiet for a couple of hours to just listen, and listen closely for Truth.

And this is what I heard…

You are my treasure,  I delight in you, I have formed you and made you exactly the way I want you.  You are so unique, so set apart from anyone else, and I love that about you.  I love you more than you can ever be loved by anyone else, you are beautiful and kind, you are sacrificial, you are real and true. You are a mess and I am here to make you whole.  I weep over your mess, I weep over your pain, I weep for the way you’ve been treated, ignored, neglected, used, abused, abandoned.  I was always there with you.  I have seen you through everything and I allowed it because I am making you strong, voracious for love and for justice, for redemption and mercy.  You cannot be that without loss and pain.  You had to feel it, I had to take all that you trust in away so that there was nothing left to turn to and trust in but Me.  I sing over you, I protect you, I smile over you, I am well pleased in you.  You are my daughter.  I hope with you, I put those day dreams in you, I made you the lover of souls that you are, I rejoice in your artistry, I get a kick our of your romanticism.  Oh my sweet girl, how I love you.  Believe in your forgiveness, believe you are renewed, believe in your fantastic worth, your pricelessness.  Look up again my sweet girl for I am here, I am delivering you, I am holding you and carrying you and together we will get through this valley. You are not the sum of your mistakes.  I see you…you are good, with purity and honor and dignity.

I hope for any who read this, that you will find the time to sit in stillness and silence and wait to here Him who speaks gently.  He will speak about you with a love that you cannot hear from the world.  He will speak directly to you with the words He knows you need to hear from Him.

Of course I will end with song lyrics…and it makes me laugh because it’s not a hymn.  It’s me and God on the dance floor!  To think that I am His destiny!  That’s how much he’s invested in me.

“Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the Moon

“Oh don’t you dare look back.
Just keep your eyes on me.”
I said, “You’re holding back, ”
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”
This woman is my destiny
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,
Shut up and dance with me.”

We were victims of the night,
The chemical, physical, kryptonite
Helpless to the bass and the fading light
Oh, we were bound to get together,
Bound to get together.

She took my arm,
I don’t know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said,

“Oh, don’t you dare look back.
Just keep your eyes on me.”
I said, “You’re holding back, ”
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”
This woman is my destiny
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,
Shut up and dance with me.”

A backless dress and some beat up sneaks,
My discothèque, Juliet teenage dream.
I felt it in my chest as she looked at me.
I knew we were bound to be together,
Bound to be together

She took my arm,
I don’t know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said,

“Oh, don’t you dare look back.
Just keep your eyes on me.”
I said, “You’re holding back, ”
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”
This woman is my destiny
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,
Shut up and dance with me.”

Peek a Boo

Here I am on a weekend Women’s Getaway date with God.  He really does know what I need and what I like.  Up here in Breckenridge, CO the leaves are changing, the air is crisp and cool, people are wearing their jackets and the smell of burning firewood is in the air.

I am so thankful that I accepted God’s invitation to go on this date.  I nearly passed it by…not enough money, it’s my weekend with the kids, no one else I knew had signed up…yada yada yada.  None of those excuses would stick though.  My ex offered to watch them an additional weekend for me, I found the money, and I found 2 more women I knew to join me and cut down on the cost.  When God invites…He’ll take care of the details.  Little did I know that He would meet me here in the most profound way.

What did I learn tonight through streams of hot free flowing tears?  He sees me.  He notices me.

He saw Hagar in the desert, pregnant, alone, abandoned.  He came to her and told her He saw her.  He’s always been watching her.  El Roi, Hebrew for the God who sees.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13

I’ve been searching and hoping, praying and trying to earn the eyes of a man.  Why does he not see me?  All along, there has been One who has always been watching me.  Not just watching, but seeing me.  Seeing me for all that I am.  Seeing me in all that I’ve done.  Beautiful or shameful, He has seen it and He still loves me. He still looks for me.  He still wants me!

I HAVE been seen by the God who sees me.

Sometimes…

others say it better!

“She Used To Be Mine”-Sara Bareilles

It’s not simple to say,
Most days I don’t recognize me.
These shoes and this apron,
This place and it’s patrons
Have taken more than I gave them.
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used to be.
Although it’s true,
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl.

She’s imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies.
She is hard on herself.
She is broken and won’t ask for help.
She is messy but she’s kind.
She is lonely most of the time.
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie.
She is gone but she used to be mine.

And it’s not what I asked for.
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out the person
And makes you believe it’s so true.
And now I’ve got you.
And you’re not what I asked for.
If I’m honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew.

Who’ll be reckless just enough
Who’ll get hurt but
Who learns how to toughen up when she’s bruised
And gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck and be scared
Of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day
‘Til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone but used to be mine.

Used to be mine
She is messy but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine.

“Dear Lord, having been plunged into this solitude and with my hands outstretched, I become more accustomed to the darkness.  More alone than I could ever be, I’m learning to live the death that You have chosen for me.  It is more painful than any other death but my eyes are adapting in the darkness.  I begin to distinguish the disguises of Your love, deeper than any love I’ve ever known.  And slowly it dawns on me that my loneliness is turning me towards You.  The death is very deep, but within it is also joyous life.  In this darkest darkness I am finally aware of light, Your light.  I begin to see where “home” is for me.  Love is being born in a me over and over again.  Thank you, Lord.  Thank you.”

-From the tapes of Henri Nouwen’s workshop.  Home Tonight, Henri J.M. Nouwen.

“We may know the anguish of not being touched with love, but these incredible hands lift us from our knees in total forgiveness while healing our broken hearts.”   -Home Tonight, Henri J.M. Nouwen

Swimming, swimming, swimming

“Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”.  Thank you Dory!  I’m always looking for highs.  Hoping everyday God will show me something spectacular…or maybe even better, I won’t have to wait the full 6 months.  The man I’m hoping for will decide he wants me now and come asking permission to pursue me.  Oh my fanciful romantic mind.  I love it and hate it.  What is happening instead is life.  Plain and simple, nothing extraordinary.  Just life.  During life I find myself caught up in longings, but then I find myself able to pray through it.  It’s not that things are getting easier,  it’s that I’m getting stronger.  I’m making myself do the work of trusting.  Trusting God and His plan for me, trusting in His blessings for me, trusting in His provisions for me, trusting in His counsel.  I don’t know if trusting in God will ever be second nature.  It may always be work for me to trust in Him.  That is work I pray I never tire from.

So one foot in front of the other, day by day I will walk.  I’ll just keep swimming.

DORY:
Hey mister grumpy gills
Life’s full of little spills
Don’t throw your fins up in disgust
Oh what’s the use of floatin’ there
Not going anywhere?
Swish your tail
And dive on in
And trust…

That…if…you
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming
Life isn’t all that grim!

Are we there yet?

Has it only really been 2 weeks?  Don’t get me wrong, I am having some amazing days and even better dates with God…but I do often keep wondering if I’ll make it to March without trying to date someone.  And let me just add that this world is obsessed with sex, love romance, and drugs of choice.  One does not realize the intensity of the obsessions that we, speaking of 1st world country residents, have until you are faced to set aside one of these great obsessions….romance.  Or as we like to try and justify it…falling in love.  Ugh, it is everywhere.  I cannot turn on the t.v. without having to listen to why George Clooney and Amal are such an amazing couple.  The gifts, the trips, the insane 3 day wedding, the anniversary.  Or all the Hollywood big wigs getting engaged and their ridiculous rings, the over the top proposals.  And, just in case you think it’s just the rich going crazy over romance, have you seen the ways in which teenage boys are asking out their girlfriends to Homecoming or Prom?  There is a phenomenon occurring in which romance is being blown so out of proportion that we are creating unrealistic expectations of love in our young girls.  What will happen to these girls?…they will turn into romance addicts and never be satisfied with reality.  What will happen to these young men trying to live up to some scripted 20th Century Fox view of courting?  They will be dumped and cheated on by these girls because they don’t actually know what love is, they only know the flurry of emotions that occur when they are romanced.

So where is this exasperation of mine coming from?  O.k. fine…I’m jealous.  No more holding back and trying to soften the ugly fact that I am jealous.  And jealousy turns into a bit of, well, pissed off ness.  I’m jealous and angry because I too want romance.  I’ve been wanting it my whole life.  I’m a romantic, I’ve written of that before, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with romance.  What is wrong with romance is when it becomes the only thing we desire and focus on when we dream about a relationship.

What do I daydream about?  I dream about surprise trips, love letters written to me, flowers bought for no reason, walks through gardens, and museums, and hikes in the mountains.  I daydream about lying endlessly in his arms while looking up at the stars, I picture candlelight dinners, playing board games on a rainy day, walking in the rain together and getting sopping wet.  Then there are scuba diving adventures, cooking classes we take, and tipsy wine nights when we laugh non-stop at ridiculously funny movies.  Need I go on, because I can.  This is what causes the butterflies in my stomach, these are the visions that cause anxiety and headaches and fear when I think I see other people getting these moments of bliss and I may never.

Here is how I should begin to daydream about my future husband.  Smiling at the hardworking man who snores to loud and just about drives me to suffocate him so I can sleep, picking up his socks and underwear from right in front of the dirty laundry basket, cooking the macaroni and cheese dinner on Thursday night because I’m to tired to make anything else, praying for my husband during times of financial stress, or sickness and worry, encouraging him when he doubts himself, leading him back to God when he has forgotten to go to Him first, cleaning the house, walking the dog, doing the laundry, spending our money wisely, forgiving him when he puts himself first, when he forgets, when the butterflies fade.  Thank you Ed Sheeran, yes…loving can hurt.  But it’s the only way that I know.

It’s the only way that He knew too.  Jesus had to hurt in a very unimaginable way for us.  He did this to prove His love for us, for me. This is the reality of romance.  This was God Himself who gave up everything, literally.  He was mocked and hated, forsaken, beaten, tortured, killed.  He gave up riches, status, and fame.  He showed romance by inviting, healing, forgiving and sacrificing for others.  This is how we need to love each other.  This is the romance I want to be drawn to.  This is the type of wife I want to be shall I get the opportunity again someday.  This is the man I desire as well.  This is the husband God wants His men to be to their wives.  This is what I am waiting for, why I am not there yet.  Why I must keep enduring and persevering through these moments, days, weeks and months.  Transformation takes time.

“Photograph”

Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin’ me closer
‘Til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
Wait for me to come home

Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it’s the only thing we take with us when we die

We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin’ me closer
‘Til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone

And if you hurt me
That’s OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go

Wait for me to come home

Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were 16
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me
Well, that’s OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go

When I’m away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
“Wait for me to come home.”

Groovalicious

What a date I had!  What a lesson learned 🙂  Tonight, through the invite of my best friend God was taking me back to dance…almost.  How exciting to have plans to go to an adult funk/hiphop/African fusion jazz class with your best friend from HS, followed by dinner.  The anticipation of listening to loud music, feeling the beat in the wooden floor, working the body to rhythms and allowing the entire song to move me as my body interprets what the ears hear and the heart understands.  I couldn’t wait to sweat!  I couldn’t wait to work that mirror (Ha!)  I had no idea what to expect.  Didn’t even know what shoes to bring…so I brought them all-jazz shoes, modern shoes, bare feet and tennis shoes.  I had an amazing day preparing mentally for this date.  Not knowing anything about the class…don’t even know the class description of it,  I was just going to show up…I mean it’s Groovalicious…I was going to dig this class!  But my mind begins to day dream, picturing the studio space, the mirrors, the instructor.  Recalling the smells of dance studios…not always pleasant, but common place to dance…love it!  I’m day dreaming even more by now.  Picturing myself right up front when we divide into groups to perform.  Working the attitude and spunk as if I’m dancing for a large audience.  I cannot wait for this evening to begin.

Finally, we get to the studio.  No one is at the front desk to greet us, that’s o.k., it’s a Friday night adult class.  We’re big enough to sign in on the sheet, pay our fee and enter into the space to start warming up and claiming real estate.  I see the class has about 10 in it.  They seem to be warming up already…we better hurry.  Thought it’s only 7:09 and it starts at 7:15,  our clocks must be wrong?  Big geeky smile on my face and the summoned confidence I give myself I venture forth in to the “Blue” studio, place my purse and shoes into a cubby and make my way onto the floor.  Man, these woman are sweating already?  The instructor starts playing music…the group of women turn and face each other in two groups, not toward the mirror for warm up…different, but, o.k.  5,6,7,8…and they are off…………….

Keri and I, well we’re just trying to keep up.  Surely somewhere in this warm up it repeats and we’ll start to catch on.  At one point, I stop following and just dance to the music.  Can’t seem to figure out this warm up, something is feeling very “Twilight Zone” to me.  Something is not adding up.  The music ends, everyone is smiling, no one is saying a thing to us.  It’s like we’re supposed to be there.  Then Keri so innocently asks a nearby dancer, “What time did class start?”

“6:45”

Yep, Kerstin and I showed up the last 5 minutes of a dance class, made our way in, and attempted to follow along in a routine they’d been working on for at least 30 min.  And no one batted an eye.  Not exactly the way I was dreaming about this dance class all day.  No sweat, no performance, no dance.  Well,  I still get dinner with my friend and now an even longer one.  Not all is lost.

As I was making the 45 minute drive home after dinner, thoroughly satisfied gastronomically, I realized, that despite the greatest of day dreams I can have, God gave me the best date ever.  I am a dreamer….a very big dreamer.  I’m a romantic, a lover, an artist…always wanting to be in an ethereal bliss rather than in reality.  It’s not a bad thing, but it does tend to bring about disappointment at times, or at least is has in the past.  The hope and excitement I had conjured up looking forward to a dance class was, as C.S. Lewis would describe, mud pie, compared to the feast God had prepared.  My daydreams of what a man, husband, dating, courting, romance, etc. etc. should be is actually mud pie in comparison to God’s Flaming Baked Alaska plan for me.  I need to allow God to surprise me.  And since I’ve always wanted to be surprised with gifts, there is no better time for me to wait, wait patiently on God and His arranging of our dates together.  Of my life, really.  I want the feast Lord, not the mud pies.  Don’t let me seek out and settle for a life that is tasteless, bland, gritty and void of nourishment simply because I fear waiting on you Lord.

Thank you for an amazing date God.  Thank you for Flaming Baked Alaska!!

Fight for First

Struggling with my thoughts today.  The hopeful hype of being renewed and restored and made stronger is beginning to wane.  My mind frequently went either back to certain memories or to far forward into daydreams.  Being content in the moment and delighting in God is definitely not second nature to me.  Becoming aware of and then taking on God’s challenge to release my idols, obsessions, worldly longings brings about exquisite awareness of my fallenness and frailty, the depths of depravity and my total inability to will myself to longing only for my Maker.  Lord…may I seek you first…May you be the first thought when I awake and the last thought before I fall asleep.  Create in me a new heart…Create in me a longing and desperation for you far greater than that for a man.  Thank you God for allowing me to struggle in this.  For the quiet and lonely times which force me to fight to stay connected with You rather than the longings and trappings of this world.

Thank you Lord for a walk in the dark.  This beautiful Colorado night is perfect in temperature, in the sounds of crickets, sprinklers, the breeze.  Off in the North and the East you light up Your sky with a brilliant white dance of lightening.  I look forward to our next date.  I look forward to every morning…wondering how You will show up that day.  What unique experience or encounter You have planned for me.

“First”

Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You

First
I wanna seek You
I wanna seek You
First
I wanna keep You
I wanna keep You
First
More than anything I want, I want You
First

Before I speak a word
Let me hear Your voice
And in the midst of pain
Let me feel Your joy
Ooh, I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I speak a word
I will bring my heart
And seek You

You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
I seek You

First
-Lauen Daigle

Restful

I would have to say that after saying my temporary goodbyes and committing myself to this process I feel a huge weight lifted from me.  Suddenly, my evenings after work have more time in them to enjoy.  Enjoy cooking and eating dinner, enjoy watching the debate tonight, enjoy being with my kids.  I don’t feel disappointed because I’m not sitting around waiting for a text or wondering if I should text so as to start a conversation.  I had no idea the depth of my need for attention within a romantic relationship.  But I must say, I am very much enjoying my time with God.  My mornings are less dreary.  I went on a short walk in the cool morning air to the nearby coffee house and simply soaked in the goodness of an iced mocha, my dog Lucky, the freshly watered grass.  I am delighting in and consciously being grateful for everything happening to me.  My God…you truly do bless me.

Does my mind still want to wander back to him?  Yes.  I catch myself daydreaming about the far off future, already hoping for the blessing I have constructed.  Then I stop myself and focus on the “right now”.  Right now God is good, right now this music is what I am enjoying, right now these Doritos are the bomb!  I know that God will become the One and only I yearn for more than anything else.  To be content with all that I have.  Needing nothing else, that is the deep desire of my heart now.  My prayers are changing from prayers for a man to love me, to prayers for enjoying the process of remaking me and preparing me. Prayers of gratitude for the abundance I have.  Prayers to not fear or doubt God’s plan, but expectant patience…waiting on the Lord in hopeful anticipation of His great plan.

While I’m Waiting Video

Saying Goodbye

The hardest part of starting these 6 months, is saying goodbye to a particular gentlemen whom I’ve had my heart caught up in.  For several days I have delayed telling him I have to  let him go for 1/2 a year.  There is a fear I will not see him again.  I step out in faith, trusting God in this journey…He will not disappoint me.  I will be ready for whatever God’s plan is in 6 months.  With or without this individual.  Until then…God, please bless him and keep him.

Letter to him.

This will be the craziest letter you’ve probably read.  Except for all the other letters I’ve written. 🙂  I have been wanting to tell you in person for the past couple of days, but cannot find the words and way to say it.  I’m definitely afraid of this decision and yet so so ready for it to begin.  I can’t wait to see the end result.

I am going to take the next 6 months seeking God alone in a relationship.  I must give up all dating sites, texting, e-mailing, Facebooking, etc. in attempts to “find” a man and spend my time with him in order to feel full, whole, complete…happy.  It has become so profoundly obvious to me that I feel I have to “earn” love.  That I must give, sacrifice, and give more to receive love in return.  It’s how I was raised, and sadly, it’s how I’ve viewed God ever since I can imagine.  I am versed in His Gospal of grace and I encourage others in it always, yet somehow, for me, I still feel I must “show” that I am worthy of such love.  This contaminated way of viewing love causes an endless ache for something I so desperately seek and yet feel I cannot obtain or deserve.  This lack of truly knowing my worth, as a created daughter of God, spills over into relationships.  How can a man ever love me enough, if, I never feel worthy enough to be loved in the first place?  It’s not a fair place to put a man.  For no man can give me worth.  And no man can ever love me with the endless perfection that God can only offer me.  So, I finally am accepting God’s invitation to delight in Him alone, to give up seeking the love of man over the love of God.

I will of course be praying for you and thinking about you.  You are a man that I have fallen in love with, and if it is God’s will for us to be together, then He needs to prepare me to be a strong, secure, content Godly woman for you, or for whomever.  He needs to prepare you as well.  For I am certain the man God sends me will need to be strong to lead a woman like me 😉

My 6 months will end on Sunday March 13th.  After 6 months of seeking fulfillment as a single woman, learning my worth, enjoy the countless blessings God brings me, I will be ready for whom He brings to my life.  Of course, I hope that person might be you, but I do not fear anymore if it is not.  If in March you find that I may be the one you’d like to possibly spend the rest of your life with, I hope you will seek me and find me.

I hope you too will find joy, contentment, peace and strength in God alone.  Not in career, relationships, money, family.  Nothing but Christ alone 🙂

So…I hesitatingly say “goodbye” for just a little while, I hope.  I wish you a Happy Birthday, a thankful Thanksgiving, a peaceful and profound Christmas.  Celebrate the new year as it just may be the year you were created for.  I’ll be missing you, praying for you and hoping with you.

I attached a letter I wrote to you a few weeks past.  I think it shows the desire of my heart quite clearly.  But it also shows the desperation…and that is what I must give up.  Whether you see me or not…God sees me, seeks me, and loves me.  It is not your job in life to fulfill me.  It is His alone.  I hope you can relax and know, I will no longer hold you responsible for my happiness.  What a burden that is not yours to own.

God bless you my sweet friend!!
With the love of Christ…always,

Jenn

“Lord, I want You to fashion me for my prospective husband. I commit the next six months of my life for Your construction. I will surrender any area which is not controlled by You so that my life will bring You glory.”

My future husband is not my provider.  God may use him as a provision, but God alone is my Provider!!

“If we are looking to another human to meet needs that only God can fulfill, we will be utterly disappointed. God will give us the desire of our hearts, but we are first required to delight ourselves in Him”