I had 2 dates with God today. The first one at his House, Flatirons Church in Lafayette, CO and the second date in an hour of one on one time with Him in prayer. Waiting and seeking his love and his voice to me.
Meeting with Him in church today was rough. He spoke through the pastor about marriage, the roles in marriage, the roles in relationships in general. It’s hard to hear about how a Christian man should treat his wife and realize that that did not happen for me. Protection, provision, nourishment and to be cherished were not bestowed upon me…and in the end I suffered from starvation and anxiety and fear. I take responsibility for the lack of respect I showed my ex. I did my best to honor and submit to him, but my best interest was not his priority. Tonight is such a hard night to get my words out…not sure where God is taking me. But I know that I heard Him this afternoon in the midst of a confused and crushed heart and mind.
In the last, almost 2 1/2 years since my husband and I separated, I have sought love again. Along the way, though, I moved away from my God, I began to not trust Him and I sought men to fill my needs and voids in whatever way they chose. I suppose I was hoping that men would rise to their created masculinity and be a protector of my body, mind and soul.
I’m sorry…tonight I cannot write. I’ll have to finish this blog another time. Still so much confusion and betrayal I’m trying to work out.
100 Dates With God 