And just as God comes in to fill you with His love and power and hope….Satan will come in and destroy it! I am so angry today. I am most angry at my Christian ‘friends’, of course I’m angry at my ex…but he is who he is. But those who confess in Christ but live a life only to make sure their day, their energy and their kids/family are cared for…have totally and completely missed the point of loving one another.
Here is an example….When you become a member of a church. Do you promise only to be a member in the good times? When it works best for you and provides all that you need for you and your kids? NO…yet again…it’s another covenant with your Christian family. I have been left and destroyed, because one was too lazy to stick through the “in sickness” part of his vows, but what hurts me more…”you” have left me, abandoned me in the same way. It’s a great thing and worthy of “patting” yourself on the back for visiting someone in the hospital…Yeah for you…but what about walking through the horrible, lonely, sinful valley of death…even if it lasts 2 years+. Too much for you?…then yes…go visit a mega church where no-one knows you and you can get everything you need with no effort.
Can you hear my righteous anger? I have been abandoned by “Christian” friends. If you leave a church, not because they are preaching/teaching heretical things…then repent and deal with the fact that you probably left a sister or a brother who needs you! Help me forgive them my God. I guarantee they know not what they did.
I was recently told that the reason one has not engaged with me is because “we have different interests”. What interests??? My interests in the last year and a half is how to survive being left by a husband, it was trying to learn how to survive as a single woman in a world that, for the most part, doesn’t want a real relationship-they want a “friend with benefits” when it’s convenient for them. My interests have been trying to find ways to not drink too much, not take to many pills, not cut myself. I have no interests but to try and get my “friends” together to spend time with me, encourage me. You judged me wrong.
So what do I do? What do we do with anger? When Satan won’t leave me alone and wants me to shame and embarrass and crush those who think they are “greater than thou”. I guess I embrace it. I let it happen, I let it help me sift through real friends, real faithful followers, despite every human urge to not pray for you…I do. Then somehow I find the strength to forgive and pray they will repent and come back to the family they vowed to take care of.
The saddest thing to me…I’ve invited many to join me at church and sadly several of them won’t come because they have better more loyal friends outside the church, they have seen my “lack of” friends from church. Oh my Abba…forgive us!
Yes…Christians like me can get raging mad. We can sin…I know I have. I write about it, I vow not to do it again. The sad thing is that when I’m alone on nights when I’m struggling…the people who rally around me are the “nonbelievers” (though I see their beautiful eternal redeemed life ahead of them). What does that say? The Christians I know are ‘too busy’ trying to look good.
If this offends you…most likely it’s because you’re been cut to the heart. Just think about the face to face repentance I’ve had to do with more “obvious” sins, oh you can’t…you weren’t aware.
God help me to love those who have left and hurt me. I want so bad to shame, call out, rage against them, but You did not do this to me when I was in my selfish ways, so help me not do that to them. Only You can help me live peaceably when I want to fight. Only you can help me forgive when I don’t want to. This is all you Lord, not me at all.
100 Dates With God 