Has it only really been 2 weeks? Don’t get me wrong, I am having some amazing days and even better dates with God…but I do often keep wondering if I’ll make it to March without trying to date someone. And let me just add that this world is obsessed with sex, love romance, and drugs of choice. One does not realize the intensity of the obsessions that we, speaking of 1st world country residents, have until you are faced to set aside one of these great obsessions….romance. Or as we like to try and justify it…falling in love. Ugh, it is everywhere. I cannot turn on the t.v. without having to listen to why George Clooney and Amal are such an amazing couple. The gifts, the trips, the insane 3 day wedding, the anniversary. Or all the Hollywood big wigs getting engaged and their ridiculous rings, the over the top proposals. And, just in case you think it’s just the rich going crazy over romance, have you seen the ways in which teenage boys are asking out their girlfriends to Homecoming or Prom? There is a phenomenon occurring in which romance is being blown so out of proportion that we are creating unrealistic expectations of love in our young girls. What will happen to these girls?…they will turn into romance addicts and never be satisfied with reality. What will happen to these young men trying to live up to some scripted 20th Century Fox view of courting? They will be dumped and cheated on by these girls because they don’t actually know what love is, they only know the flurry of emotions that occur when they are romanced.
So where is this exasperation of mine coming from? O.k. fine…I’m jealous. No more holding back and trying to soften the ugly fact that I am jealous. And jealousy turns into a bit of, well, pissed off ness. I’m jealous and angry because I too want romance. I’ve been wanting it my whole life. I’m a romantic, I’ve written of that before, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with romance. What is wrong with romance is when it becomes the only thing we desire and focus on when we dream about a relationship.
What do I daydream about? I dream about surprise trips, love letters written to me, flowers bought for no reason, walks through gardens, and museums, and hikes in the mountains. I daydream about lying endlessly in his arms while looking up at the stars, I picture candlelight dinners, playing board games on a rainy day, walking in the rain together and getting sopping wet. Then there are scuba diving adventures, cooking classes we take, and tipsy wine nights when we laugh non-stop at ridiculously funny movies. Need I go on, because I can. This is what causes the butterflies in my stomach, these are the visions that cause anxiety and headaches and fear when I think I see other people getting these moments of bliss and I may never.
Here is how I should begin to daydream about my future husband. Smiling at the hardworking man who snores to loud and just about drives me to suffocate him so I can sleep, picking up his socks and underwear from right in front of the dirty laundry basket, cooking the macaroni and cheese dinner on Thursday night because I’m to tired to make anything else, praying for my husband during times of financial stress, or sickness and worry, encouraging him when he doubts himself, leading him back to God when he has forgotten to go to Him first, cleaning the house, walking the dog, doing the laundry, spending our money wisely, forgiving him when he puts himself first, when he forgets, when the butterflies fade. Thank you Ed Sheeran, yes…loving can hurt. But it’s the only way that I know.
It’s the only way that He knew too. Jesus had to hurt in a very unimaginable way for us. He did this to prove His love for us, for me. This is the reality of romance. This was God Himself who gave up everything, literally. He was mocked and hated, forsaken, beaten, tortured, killed. He gave up riches, status, and fame. He showed romance by inviting, healing, forgiving and sacrificing for others. This is how we need to love each other. This is the romance I want to be drawn to. This is the type of wife I want to be shall I get the opportunity again someday. This is the man I desire as well. This is the husband God wants His men to be to their wives. This is what I am waiting for, why I am not there yet. Why I must keep enduring and persevering through these moments, days, weeks and months. Transformation takes time.
“Photograph”
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel aliveWe keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen stillSo you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin’ me closer
‘Til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
Wait for me to come homeLoving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it’s the only thing we take with us when we dieWe keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen stillSo you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin’ me closer
‘Til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be aloneAnd if you hurt me
That’s OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you goWait for me to come home
Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were 16
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soulAnd if you hurt me
Well, that’s OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you goWhen I’m away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
“Wait for me to come home.”